wistful

Radio silence commences soon, not that I update this thing as often as I thought I might. But the move is nigh imminent (tomorrow morning I will hold shiny new keys in my hand) and that means I finally have to get off my ass and pack. It’s nice, knowing that I only have two suitcases (and a box or two now) worth of stuff…but at the same time, it’s a little chilly.

At least it’s almost done. Then we’ll drive it all to the new apartment, unload all the boxes, stash the dodgiest stuff that we don’t want his parents to see in the attic, and enjoy a few days together off work. I’m trying not to have a sinking feeling, but I’m just ready to be finished with it.

I keep thinking about how I left the west (oh, there goes some anonymity). I threw everything I could fit in a couple of suitcases, threw them on a train, told my best friend in the world I didn’t want to cry in front of her, and somehow made it all the way to the desert before the tears started. Then it hit me in a rush what I’d done. This place that had been my identity my whole life was suddenly miles behind me, and I was wading into the deep unknown of the mountains.

The travel, living with Mr. Wayne, these things were moments. Tiny stops on the way. But now that Cusak and I are moving in together, like for real and with intent, I find myself missing my town out west. I miss the Pacific, and I miss brunch at the diner that only took cash. I’m scared that this is the rest of my life… Not bad, just…indifferently in limbo, waiting for the future to happen to me.

Maybe it’s just the loneliness talking.

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One Response to “wistful”

  1. […] bookmarks tagged wistful wistful saved by 11 others     LarnaFreak bookmarked on 10/15/08 | […]

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