Archive for June, 2008

scattered

Posted in bruce wayne, cusak with tags , on Wed, 25 Jun, 2008 :: 176/26 :: 08:54:04 +0000 by anaïs' little sister

Sometimes I catch Cusak’s hand in mine, usually my left and his right. His fingertips brush against my skin and I’m reminded of the engagement ring. I look down at it. I’m aware of it, then, suddenly. As if I could ever be not-aware.

They know about each other, so it’s not a secret. I’m not hiding one from the other, or trying to live some secret double life. Maybe it would be easier if I were. Maybe I’d figure out that the secret is pretending to give your all to someone while holding something in reserve. But I can’t. I’m not that girl. They both know about how quickly and strongly I pitch myself forward into life. Into love.

**

This was supposed to be a sex blog, but it keeps becoming an emotion blog. A tiny bit of not entirely secret confession.

**

I’m watching Cusak play video games now, nattering with Bruce Wayne on GTalk. It’s a very modern relationship, I think. I tell myself anyway. I convince myself it’s all twenty-first century, and that the only reason anyone’s ever shocked is that they’re not used to it.

Still, I hesitate when trying to figure out how to tell Bruce Wayne’s mom that I’m kissing Cusak too on my wedding day.

libertine

Posted in cusak with tags on Wed, 11 Jun, 2008 :: 162/24 :: 17:21:46 +0000 by anaïs' little sister

There’s a freedom in the space without words.

The butterflies in my stomach, the weight of your body pinning mine. The muffled gasps against your hand.

I had the overwhelming desire to bite at your fingertips, to pull your thumb between my lips and suck at it gently. To stifle my sounds with your skin as I stifled my desire with it.

In the dark, half-dressed still. Progressed beyond all teasing conversation, all skittish admission of what is comfortable for you and what is not. What is beyond the line. It made me crave a nakedness with you. Not a body nakedness, but a soul nakedness. To be that deeply intimate.

And later, when you showered, I wanted to sit on the edge of your bed and make you late for your trip by pulling you to me and tasting you one time before you left.