It’s hard not to feel alone some nights, when you see the reflection of people all around you. Another wedding, another reason to celebrate. It’s a good thing, or so you tell yourself. And then you wonder why you feel so lonely.

But you’re not impulsive, you tell yourself, you don’t go rushing into things headlong like a child. You’ve already been doing this as fast as you can. You know it’s not going anywhere. You’re sure, like you’ve never, ever been sure before.

So why do you feel the sting? You don’t want to. You want to just bask in the warm glow of another couple finding their happiness. You give yourself the long lecture that comes all the time, about diamonds and dresses and how you’re not ready. About how he’s not ready. You tell yourself that pushing isn’t fair.

You want the perfect romantic proposal, and you know that you won’t get it by jumping the gun. You’ll sport that Tiffany when it’s time, and not before. You band-aid yourself with a promise that it will be worth waiting for.

But some nights it’s hard, when you see the shimmer of the stone just out of reach, not to feel wistful.


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